The Middle-class Sarvangaasana: All for Reducing Black Money!

Since all the experts have concluded that the rise of the new middle class is the force behind the rising tide against black money, The Opportunistic Times decided to ask a representative of the middle-class what the issue is all about. Our special correspondent spoke to forty-seven year old Shri Uttam Bharatputra, an engineer with a Central PSU, but now on medical leave to work for an MNC. He has to travel within and outside the country on work, although is currently a bit worried as his original employer has asked him to surrender his passport. He suspects that some jealous colleague, who is in the know of things, has complained against him. In these uncertain times, he just can’t understand why people expect him to quit his government job. Hypocrites, that’s all he can call them!

Here is what Shri Bharatputra had to say about the issue at hand, black-money:

“There should be no doubt, by now, that Indians, especially we middle-class Indians, can’t stand black money. The politicians, and these big businessmen may all be corrupt, but we middle-class, we are all for white money.

May be, the only exception is when we want to buy some property. You see, when we buy property, if I keep the entire value on paper, I’ll have to pay a higher stamp duty. Obviously, for us middle-class people, a few lakhs can be a big amount.

To be honest, this is true when we sell property too. You see, when we bought it, we kept the value on paper low to save stamp duty. Now, if we keep the right price, won’t we end up paying capital gains for the amount that we earlier did not keep on paper as well? The previous seller had also benefited from that. Why should I now pay for what he gained then? I’m sure you understand what I’m saying.

I’m not saying that we don’t pay any bribe either. I won’t lie to you. I’m an honest person, and I’ve been forced to pay some bribes here and there. For instance, I was in a hurry the other day and I got caught jumping the signal. I didn’t have the time to waste on these traffic fellows. So, I just put a hundred rupee note in his pocket. I genuinely think it was a win-win situation. Do you know how low these poor home-guards on additional traffic duty are paid? So I won’t blame him for taking the money I gave him. Anyway, I thought I could be of some help to him too. Not only have my parents taught me to be helpful to the others, I’ve also taught my children to be helpful! So, I’m only practicing what I preach.

See, these are things everyone in this country does. In any case, we are not like politicians, are we? May be, we save some money and spend that money on our families. Is that wrong? You have no idea about expenses these days. My son is just getting into high school, but for him, we had to buy a computer. Thankfully, my colleague connected me to a person who helped us in getting an assembled system and in installing software at real low cost. That gentleman, of course, has warned me against updating the software online as that could lead to the pirated software being discovered. But, that is a small price to pay considering what we saved. See, otherwise that money would have gone to some exploiting foreign company. Why should we let Indian money go to rich foreigners?

Now, my daughter is awaiting her medical entrance results. Just yesterday, I was told that if 25 lakhs were to be paid, they can straightaway arrange a seat for her. I didn’t agree because this wasn’t such a reputed medical college. It is alright if a good medical college asks for 20-25 lakhs extra, but how can a third-rate one ask? Should be owned by some politician! Anyway, I’m expecting some of the better ones to call her this week. If she gets into a good college, she can recover that additional investment later on.

I was telling you all this because, you see the kind of expenses we have these days... It is not very easy to finance your expenses. Just the other day, I had to use our family jewelry to take some agricultural loan, you know. No, no, I’m not into farming! See, we had some ancestral land, which is hardly used. Who is there to do these things now? My bank manager told me that I can use it to get some loans at very low interest. Of course, I could have pledged only the land, but then with gold as additional collateral, I could get more loans. Plus, I wouldn’t have to sit guarding my gold. These days, nothing is safe anywhere, you know! Anyway, my manager himself has taken the amount from me. He is paying me 17% interest on that amount. He has collected money from others too. He puts that in stocks and makes more money. Don’t worry! I know him for quite some time. He is an honest man, and he will pay every rupee he has promised us.

So you see the kind of things we do to take care of our families? When we are struggling like this, these politicians and businessmen are indulging in siphoning off black money! Do you know that if we get all the black money from abroad, for the next thirty years none of us in India need to work? Our politicians are drinking our blood and they are saving crores and crores of money for their families. Is that justified? They should all be shot dead.

When Baba Ramdev demanded that all this money be brought back, they started questioning how he made money. As if making money is wrong. Without making money, how can he serve the country? These stupid politicians, you know, someone should drive some sense into them. They are accusing him that he collects money without issuing any receipt or accounting for the transactions. What transactions are you talking about? Do doctors normally issue you receipt if you consult them at home? As if, civil engineers and architects in this country give you receipt for consulting them. That Kapil Sibal is a lawyer, no? Do lawyers give you receipt for consulting them? Why all this? Most landlords don’t give you a rent receipt and you have to make one yourself to submit to your office for tax purposes. Do brokers give you receipt? You and I know all this, but silly politicians don’t? I don’t believe them. This is all acting, mere drama! They just don’t want to reduce corruption. That’s all!

Anyway, no one believes them. My neighbor is a journalist. He is a very nice guy. Pretty straight forward. He was telling me of so many instances of corruption. So I really know how much money these blood-suckers are putting in Swizz-Banks. Some of these rich businessmen and politicians send him lots of gifts through their PR agents. So, he hardly had to buy anything when he built his house. But, you know, he doesn’t take any money from them. In fact, these politicians and bureaucrats don’t take any money from him either. Last time, these municipality people had sent me some notice because I had some construction which was not part of the approved plan, but he helped me and they closed that file without my having to pay a single rupee! So, it is good people like him who make our life easier in these trying times.

Our society needs people like him. Not these politicians! My father still talks about how good things were when we were ruled by our princely rulers then. Do you remember how things were during the emergency? I remember. No corruption! Not a single train was running late! Those days we had rulers who were strong. Now, all we have is weak people. And, they call it democracy! What kind of democracy is this? I was reading in the newspapers about the difference between democracy and participatory democracy. We don’t have the latter. That is the problem! Otherwise, how come this country, where an honest, hard-working middle-class is growing, still has such weak, corrupt leaders? I tell you, we need a revolution like they had in Egypt. In fact, it is coming. I’m very optimistic!”

Disclaimer: Shri Uttam Bharatputra, appearing above, is a fictitious character. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and unintended. The TOT editor is confident that none of the (middle-class) readers can identify with any of the acts of commission or omission mentioned above, because such things don't happen in our country. However, if the above post does trouble any reader's conscience, possibly because s/he is a foreign citizen or a poor person, then The Opportunistic Times willingly and unconditionally expresses regret for the same.