The Curtain Rods

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything: cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, andin the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, theycould not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth. But only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU????

Source: Mail forward. Origin unknown.

SUGAR AND SPICE AND ALL THINGS NICE??

Here is a poem that I found on the MCC Alumni group mailing network. Comments are welcome!

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of contradiction.

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse;
she'll break open his head and then be his nurse.

But when he's well and can get out of bed,
she'll pick up the tea-pot and aim for his head.

Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind,
crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind.

She'll call him a king, then make him a clown,
raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down.

She'll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man,
or make him her lackey to carry her fan.

She'll run away from him and never come back,
but if he runs away, then she'll be on his tracks.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.

She'll win you in rags, enchant you in silk,
she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

Help us find a missing friend!

Our friend, DENNY V JOHN, aged 28, is missing from CBD, Belapur, New Mumbai since the early hours of 1st of January, 2005. He is an MCA graduate. He is of medium height and complexion.

If you spot him or get any information about him or can help us in any way to find him, please contact us.

Thank you,

Friends of Denny
[macri@yahoogroups.com]

Contact phone numbers:

Denny's home at Kottayam, Kerala: +91-481-2572462
Denny's phone at Mumbai: +91-9820826324

Young Economist Re-Trained!

By Our Special Correspondent

Hyderabad, 4 January 2005: Budding economist, Ms Ally, finally left the twin cities for Kerala today. She was scheduled to have left on the 2nd, but for reasons still unclear, she had to reschedule her travel plans.

The official version of the story is that Ms Ally tried boarding Sabari Express from Secunderabad station on the 2nd, while her ticket had been for the 1st. The real owner of the berth showed her the compartment door right in time, and she managed to be on the platform before the train left. The blame has been apportioned to her travel agent. She, we are told, then managed to get a Tatkal ticket for today and is right now on her way back home.

Eye witnesses but tell a different story altogether: Ms Ally was seen rushing to the Pantry car first, and after some confusion inside, she jumped off the rolling stock right in time. Unconfirmed sources indicate that she changed her travel plans as soon as she realised that the rakes with the person she wanted leaves only on 4th.

However, an apparently innocuous press statement from the official spokesperson of Kaveri Caterers in the evening has added to the confusion. The statement says that 'as a matter of policy, even reserved passengers are not allowed to travel in any of the cabins of the pantry car'. The content and timing of the statement, while surprising, has also raised doubts among many as to whether it has any connection with the incident that occurred on the Sabari Express on Sunday.

Reacting to the incident, the Chief Minister said that as an immediate measure, he has asked the Hon Minister of Railways to rename the Caterers as Rajiv Caterers. A commission is to be formed to look into the matter and to evolve policies to avoid such incidents in the long run. Immediately afterwards, a stampede occurred at Gandhi Bhavan as Congress leaders from across the state vied with each other to head the Commission. Informed sources reveal that a panel of 21 names consisting of 7 leaders each from the three regions of the state would be sent to the High Command, which would take the final decision in consultation with the Left parties.

The former Chief Minister said that this incident would never have occurred during his regime. While severely criticising the government, he added that the fact that visiting intellectuals to even the State Capital are not being provided with the facilities they desire indicate the level of degeneration that has occurred in the last six months. BJP state unit, in a statement bashing the Central government, has demanded the resignation of the Railway Minister over the incident. The party has also invited the budding economist to contest the next parliamentary elections from Ongole.

The Railway Minister, when asked about BJP's demand, was first heard asking his Secretary as to whether Secunderabad was in Bihar or in India. He subsequently stated that he would make a statement in Parliament on the issue when the subject matter of Railway tragedies would come up next.

The Left parties in a joint statement has attacked the imperialist forces represented by the World Bank, IMF and WTO. The statement says that 'in an era of unabashed privatisation and globalisation, incidents such as these are inevitable'. They have called on the people to resist all forms of enslavement that happens through the trans-national corporations and hoped that the visible oppression felt by this progressive thinker on Sabari Express would serve as an eye-opener for many.

It is learnt from reliable sources that various women's groups on the Central University campus, near Gachibowli, have already begun a sit-in strike at the University administration building demanding justice. A representative of the organisations, quoting Foucault over the phone, accepted that all aspects of the incident are still not clear: "What we know, we know only locally". Yet, she was clear that such limitations cannot stop them in their unrelenting fight against patricarchal forces.